Honey, I’ve Got to Work Late….Again.
Are all those late nights at the office really a sign of an affair?
You might not want to seem paranoid, but he’s been working late an awful lot lately. How can you tell fear from fact?
For one thing, don’t look JUST at his late nights.
It should be easy enough to check that paycheck stub and see if he’s really putting in those hours at work. So, really, betraying HIS trust by sneaking around spying and digging might not be your first best reaction.
Think holistically; be honest with yourself.
Has your relationship been lackluster/strained/tedious/monotonous/stressful/boring?
Have there been any changes, things that suddenly, out of the blue, seem to be changing independent of your relationship with him?
Is he wanting you to be a part of this change or trying to keep you out of it?
What about your intimacy?
More/less sex, more/less late, deep midnight talks, more/less play activities? Do you feel like there’s a widening emotional gap between you, that the closeness is suddenly gone, or that you find you have to walk on eggshells around her now?
What about her phone habits?
Are there more hushed conversations, private calls, hang-ups, unknown numbers appearing on the bill, or does he carry his cell phone with him everywhere now?
Has his/her attention to personal appearance/hygiene/wardrobe suddenly grown?
That sexy little black thing you noticed in the drawer was new, now it looks used, but she didn’t wear it for you, so?
Does she have new interests, activities and tastes?
Where did that classical CD come from (she’s never listened to classical a day in her life since you’ve know her)? Or that movie ticket stub from last week – you haven’t seen any movies together for years.
Why his sudden preoccupation with a new TV show that airs on a channel you don’t even subscribe to?
Why do you feel shut out and unwelcome?
Speaking of the office
Has she been glowing about a ‘special friend’ she works with, or a new employee who went out to lunch with her? Feeling just a twinge of jealousy there?
First, before you go running off to start a flat-out spy mission, bear in mind that whatever you do, you might be caught at it just like you’re trying to catch him.
If you feel betrayed and angry, imagine how he’ll feel if he’s actually innocent and he realizes the extent of your mistrust.
Not to excuse a real adulterer, leave you a victim or abandon you in an abusive relationship; if those are the cases you must take action.
But please don’t confront him with accusations or ultimatums half-cocked. Wait until you thoroughly think through the ramifications of anything you’re considering.
Also, this isn’t to make you feel you should turn a blind eye, or that you’re just being insecure or paranoid.
But remember; Slow down and try to logically plan out your next steps, while staying tuned in to your internal radar/intuition as well as your set of personal ethics.
Here’s the caveat; He might just be working those long hours to buy you a special present, a new home for you both, or to make up for some innocent financial shortfall (maybe an investment blunder he made).
There are enough possibilities that it makes sense for you to take your time and try to see the big picture before deciding to take action.
More, if you DO gather evidence or hire a detective to prove his infidelity, you’ll be left with a very clear call to action.
If you’re not sure, on the other hand, you might be able to ignore it (sweep it under the rug), go on with life as usual and decide the marriage or relationship is important enough that you want to preserve it at all costs.
Only you can make that call, and no one has the right to bully or pressure you into making a break you aren’t comfortable with.
But if you have hard evidence right there that you can’t dismiss, and especially if the cheater realizes it, you’ll pretty much HAVE to take action or lose face with your spouse.
This is the hardest thing that NO ONE WILL TELL YOU.
If you lose face, (if your lover realizes that you want to stay with him, EVEN WITH IRREFUTABLE evidence of his guilt), you might be putting yourself in a very dangerous position. If he loses respect for you and/or loses the fear of your reprisal, he might not only become bolder and escalate the affair, he could even become abusive.
All reasons to slow down and think things out carefully before engaging in serious skullduggery.
Sorry if you wanted an easier solution.
If you hoped to just take a quiz or look over a bullet list and get immediate answers, solutions or closure, in truth, no article or test will help.
The only way to address this to do some serious soul-searching, especially if there are children involved or you really value and want to preserve your marriage. There are personal compromises that many people make to hang on to the most import things they need in life.
A lot of self-help articles and advice columns will encourage you to expose the scoundrel, take action, ditch the relationship and move on, etc., but only YOU know what you really want long-term, what your personal values and needs are, and no one but you (or you and your young children) will have to live with the choices you make.
They are your decisions, and once you know in your own heart what those decisions have to be, you need to stand by them.
Ditching a ‘broken’ marriage because the books say to, for instance, is easy to write, and could possibly make you happy, but may also end up being be a terrible mistake for you to live with the rest of your life.
Your best bet is to seek professional help FIRST, in the form of a competent therapist or counselor. Make decisions carefully with his or her help and listen to your instincts. Your intuition probably has the best bead on things.
And — Take care of yourself. Surround yourself with trusted friends during this trying time. Good luck.
Incoming search terms:
- is he really working late
- husband works late every night
- husband working late every night
- husband coming home late
- www-marrietbf com
- girlfriend comes home late
- why he gets home late every night
- my boyfriend is never late coming home from work now hes working late
- is wife cheating comes home late
- my boyfriend comes home really late every night