Facebook Infidelity- Harmless Flirting Online Can Lead To A Full Blown Affair

by kajay on May 11, 2011


Being a victim of a cheating partner it is indeed a painful experience. What makes it even a more haunting one is when your partner has been doing the wrong deed right under your nose, or in some cases, right in your computer.

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To avoid feeling stupid and sometimes, feeling responsible for keeping a blind eye to your partner’s illicit Facebook activities it is indeed a good idea to explore more about this field.

There are millions of people engaged in Facebook each second. You can’t blame it! It is indeed addicting to interact with people. There’s a famous saying, “No man is an island”, and this constant need of human beings to socialize and connect to its own specie dates back to early human civilizations.

Prehistoric men and women used to hold storytelling sessions with their tribes around bonfires during nightfall. This is part of their civilization. As humans, it is within our genetic make up to belong and be accepted in a circle, a group, a society.

With today’s technological advances, the early storytelling rituals have evolved into an easier, faster and more convenient way of communication- sans bonfires and tribe leaders.

Facebook has changed the course of sociology by simply reinventing the modes of long distance communication.

How powerful is Facebook?

Facebook defies distance. It doesn’t matter if your friend is in Greece and you live in a small town called Wallah-Wallah, you can still gain access to his daily endeavors.

Facebook defies time. It allows for two people, who have not seen each other for decades, to reconnect and update each other.

Facebook defies privacy. Today, we can tell exactly what one person is thinking, we can identify his whereabouts and even his most embarrassing photos on the internet can now be spread like wildfire. Thanks to

Facebook photo-tagging.

Unfortunately, because of these conveniences, we also need to pay a price. Facebook can also defy fidelity in a relationship. By simply clicking on old flames, we can get ourselves in a whole lot of trouble.

The works

It begins with a simple click of a button. You check your Friends Request List, and find out that your old classmate added you as her friend.

Facebook then asks you, do you “Confirm” or “Ignore”? Many people do not understand that this is the most critical point in one person’s social and emotional life.

By confirming a friend into one’s Facebook account, you are actually allowing this person to gain access to your life.

So which button do you click? How can you spare yourself from a potential damage to your current relationship? How can you tell if it is safe or if it’s swimming in unchartered waters?

These are just questions that will inevitably run into your mind at this point. And usually, if not all the time, we stick to our biological make up. We hit Confirm!

The next thing we know, we are chatting with the new and improved versions of our grade school seatmate who used to tease us about our high pitched laughs back then.

And perhaps during that time the teasing seemed annoying, if not merely platonic, today these kinds of “harmless” teasing can seem endearing.

Thus, a little flirtation can go on. Taking a tour down memory lane as we rekindle with past crushes, ex love affairs, high school flings, college quarterback stars and even that hot ex-coworker whom we never got to date because we used to be too self conscious back then, can be truly very engaging.

Today it can be high school, college, or small town Temecula all over again. Although this can be good news to our social life, this is definitely bad news to our current relationships.

Why? It is simply because it creates a bigger avenue for reconnecting with people we don’t want our partners to know about.

Facebook and its relation to cheating

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In the science of emotional cheating the concept is not focused on sexual activities. Emotional infidelity is actually more rooted on the side of emotional closeness.

The desire of one person to feel more connected and comfortable with a person instead of his or her partner defines the gateway to all infidelity cases. Facebook is a tool that opens that gateway even wider.

If we open our eyes we can actually realize the many points of conversation there is available for our partners to discuss with their controversial Facebook friends.

They don’t even need to feel that uncomfortable nervousness in initiating conversations because Facebook gives them the privilege of a non personal approach.

This means that talking to your crush in person, for example, is even more threatening to the ego than sitting behind a computer and typing in your pick up lines. Internet communications makes you less vulnerable than personal correspondence.

Hence, writing compliments and flatteries on the comments box of one’s Facebook photo or clicking on the “Like” button under his or her status can definitely open a whole can of worms in an existing relationship.

So how do we know which actions are safe and which are deal breakers? Good question.

First of all you need to ask yourself. What will I benefit from this? What is my intent?

Say you are on the verge of accepting a friend request from an ex girlfriend.

You need to be able to assess if your partner is okay with the idea and if you and that ex have clearly established a suitable closure to your romantic relationship because ever engaging in a platonic one. If not, then this may not be a good time to be clicking that “Confirm” button.

If we turn the tables around and you are contemplating about adding your ridiculously good looking next door neighbor into your Facebook friends, what is your intention behind this idea?

Do you really just want him to be your friend?

Or are you making things harder for yourself if he will begin flirting with you in Facebook? If so then better just skip him and go on to searching for your long lost relatives instead.

How do you know which comments are appropriate?

Again think first before you say what’s on your mind. Do you ignite a fire by making flirty and sexually-provoking remarks about a friend’s Beach Vacation album, such as “I’d like to get dirty on the sand too, LOL! Hahaha!” ?

Or as a respect to your current partner, would you rather just write down neutral and safe comments such as “The weather looks nice out there!”?

These are the simple yet very powerful things that one needs to consider before creating any emotional damage into your relationship.

What to do when Facebook flirtation gets initiated by other people?

Communicate with your partner!

Inform him or her right away because sooner or later if that issue would be raised in the future and you have failed to let your partner know it can be used against you. Always make sure that your hands are clean in every situation.


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