Here are some of the “Our Marriage was Already Over” type of excuses.
- Our marriage was over long before I cheated.
- We’re not like we used to be.
- I don’t love you anymore.
- We’ve never been right for each other.
- I feel trapped.
- I never wanted to get married.
- I don’t want to live like this.
- I love you like a sister/brother.
- I wanted to shake up our marriage and make it better.
- You deserve better.
- I thought you didn’t love me anymore.
- You left me before I left you.
- I was never in love with you.
- Our marriage was boring.
The It’s All your Fault Type of Cheating Excuses
Here are some of the “It’s All Your Fault” type of cheating excuses.
- I’ve told you for years why I was unhappy, but you decided to not do anything about it.
- You work too much.
- I thought you would change.
- You don’t listen to me.
- You aren’t good in bed.
- You don’t give me any attention.
- I’m tired of having to do everything around here.
- You don’t need me anymore.
- You put on too much weight.
- You cut your hair.
- You pressured me too much for sex so it wasn’t fun with you anymore.
- You were never really there for me when I needed you.
The It’s All My Fault Type of Cheating Excuses
Here are some of the “It’s All My Fault” type of cheating excuses.
- It has nothing to do with you.
- It’s not you, it’s me.
- I’m unhappy.
- I need some space.
- I really don’t know what I want to do with my life.
- I never cheated before but something just snapped.
- I want to stand on my own two feet.
- The other guys goaded me on and I didn’t want to look like a sissy.
- I have issues.
- I don’t why why I did it. It wasn’t planned.
- I didn’t expect to get caught.
- I’m having a mid-life crisis.
- I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for years.
- I never meant to hurt you.
- It’s in my nature to cheat.
- It’s just a guy thing.
The Grass is Greener Type of Cheating Excuses
Here are some of the “Grass is Greener” type of cheating excuses.
- I need to have sex with others. I can’t go the rest of my life sleeping with just you.
- The sex is incredible. It was never that good with you.
- I want to start a rock band and I would be gone a lot. That wouldn’t be fair to you.
- It’s an addiction.
- I can’t help myself.
- It doesn’t mean anything.
- It just happened.
- He/She has an unhappy marriage, and I was filling an emotional void in his/her life.
- We were just friends.
- I was curious what sex with someone else would be like.
What You Do Need to Know
Here is what you do need to know in order to save your marriage after an affair.
- How long has the extramarital affair been going on?
- Has your spouse had more than one affair? If so, how many affairs?
- Was there a strong emotional bond in this affair?
- Is the affair over?
Do both of you want to save your marriage?
The thoughts that go through your mind when you suspect a partner is cheating are filled with anxiety. Discovering a spouse or significant other HAS cheated brings in a whole range of emotions – fear, hurt, pain (physical and mental), shock, anger, surprise and even thoughts of revenge.
Finding out if a partner is being unfaithful is a bit like looking behind a locked door in a haunted house.
Haven’t all the stories about this situation NEVER included someone just saying “No, this is too much. I’m walking away from this one.” There’s a part of you that doesn’t want to know. Why?
*If you don’t know, you can pretend it’s not happening, like the tree that falls in the forest that no one hears.
*If you don’t know, life won’t get messier than it already is.
*If you don’t know, then you can rationalize that there can’t be anything wrong. Denial means you never have to acknowledge that you and your partner most certainly, undeniably have a problem.
You Want to Know Because You Have to Know
As painful as it is for a doctor to tell a patient that he is seriously ill, the only chance that patient may have is learning the very worst.
Being ignorant of a disease has never helped anyone survive. It’s helped them die, but it has never helped them live.
For a patient to have a chance, to fight back, he has to look into the ugly face of the enemy and decide to win.
You cannot save yourself or your relationship by walking away from that haunted house door or by hiding under the bed so the doctor can’t find you.
If your partner is cheating, the only road ahead is going to be very rocky, whether you pretend the affair doesn’t exist or face it head on.
Ignoring the signs and your own instincts makes whatever happens next no easier.
Facing the Truth
Your partner has cheated. You’ve discovered it or they’ve admitted it. Many times a cheater will not own up to an affair unless they are caught, like a thief who never feels he is commiting a crime until the handcuffs get slapped on. Then, there’s no backing away from the reality. There are only the…
Whether a spouse or lover is caught or decides to come clean on their own, the first question out of the mouth of the person who has been betrayed is not “Who?” but “Why?”
It doesn’t matter in those intense first moments between couples who is the third-party or how it happened. What matters is…What Went Wrong?
If you are the one asking and your partner is the one answering this question, don’t expect to get the straight facts. Instead (and this is especially true if a partner has been taken by surprise), the reason for the affair may be blamed on YOU.
*You weren’t there.
*You didn’t change.
*You don’t pay attention to me.
*You don’t love me.
The actions of your partner have somehow magically become your responsibility. Perhaps it never occurred to them that, if there was a problem, working it out together may have been a better solution.
Instead, your partner turned to someone else and absolved his behavior by blaming you. Don’t believe it for a minute.
Your Partner’s Affair Is NOT YOUR Fault
Sometimes cheating partners will agree with this statement wholeheartedly. The excuses then become…
*It’s not you…it’s me.
Don’t buy this either. The whole humble, shoulder-shrugging act that sends off the message “Oops! I made a mistake, but what can you expect from little old me?” is an admission that really takes zero responsibility. This time, your partner doesn’t blame YOU, but he’s not really blaming himself either – he’s blaming his NATURE.
*I couldn’t help myself.
*I didn’t realize it happened until after it happened.
*He/she swept me off my feet.
*I’m not a faithful kind of person.
*I need my space-that’s who I am.
Helplessness is no excuse, because no partner is helpless in the face of an affair. Having an affair is a decision.
The Answers You Really Want
Finding out the person you trusted most has betrayed that trust can be one of the most soul and gut-wrenching experiences of life.
There isn’t much comfort knowing that affairs are common, but there is some good news. Relationships can survive affairs.
It takes guts. It takes work and it takes both of you to want it, but it IS possible to get through an affair.
If your partner is cheating, all the cards must be put on the table. As hard as this confrontation can be, there are things you need to know if you want to move forward with your partner or without them:
*Is this the only affair your partner has ever had?
*How long has the affair been going on?
*Has the affair ended forever?
*Does your partner want to try again with you?
*Do YOU want to try again?
A partner who has an affair makes a choice to cheat. Affairs involve secrecy and lies and the excuses for affairs are no different, just a continuation of the lie.
A cheater has to take is to take full responsibility for what they’ve done. Even if they don’t want to end the affair, even if you decide to go your separate ways because of it – they must say and believe the truth.
They had an affair because they wanted to have an affair. Once that is clear, only then the two of you can decide what happens next.
Excuses are just that…excuses. They are not valid reasons. The deeper problem is inside your relationship. You have to open that scary door, BUT you don’t have to enter that room alone:
If you want help, click
If you suspect your partner is cheating, find out for sure.
Whatever is ahead may be difficult to face, but not facing it doesn’t make it go away. http://bustacheatingpartner.com
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