It is often too easy to stereotype cheaters – either they are bad people (i.e., cheaters by nature) or they are good people in bad relationships.
While it is true that bad relationships and people who get a kick out of having a string of paramours would indeed seem like the perfect recipe for adulterous relationships, it is not always the case.
Some extramarital affairs, when brought out into the open, are so scandalous merely because the people involved are not who you’d expect to be lured into such a sordid drama.
In such cases (and in light of the fact that almost two-thirds of the population are straying from their partners) it is quite disturbing to contemplate that you may not be able to readily spot a cheater in a crowd – and may therefore be involved with one.
But although cheaters do not fit a certain mould, there are certain personality types that are more susceptible to cheating; there are also certain situations that may be fertile ground for infidelity to breed. These you need to know to guard your relationship:
1. Attention deficiency
No matter how long you two have been together, your partner needs your attention.
Sometimes you may be overburdened by all the mundane details of life – utility bills, college plans, mortgage, etc. – that it is more convenient to think that your spouse will understand the lapses now. You can always promise yourself you’ll make it up to him or her later…
But your partner needs you now. He or she may not be actively looking for attention elsewhere but if somebody else can afford to give the attention your partner craves, it may be all too tempting not to fall prey to the charms of the third party.
This one is obvious; after all, we crave attention. In a relationship that has gone on for years maybe, a show of affection is something that gets taken for granted.
It may not mean that the love is gone but maybe you no longer feel the need to go the extra mile to shower your significant other with affection.
This makes it easy for another to sweet-talk their way into your spouse’s heart and fill the role that was supposedly yours to fill.
Let’s face it: it takes extra effort to keep the flame in a relationship alive. Sometimes, though, we get too used to our partners that we tend to channel our energies elsewhere, confident in the belief that our partner is of the same mind.
From this point forward, however, the relationship starts to spiral downward – fast – and boredom is one of the first to set in. Going through the same routine day in and day out does make the relationship stale.
And that preps the stage for an illicit affair – or a way out of the boredom – to happen.
Illicit love affairs translate to danger or excitement. True, some people are naturally drawn to the temptation but boredom in their current relationship can also push some people towards infidelity.
Cheating takes excitement to a whole new level – it’s not just the excitement of newfound passion but there’s also the attendant risk. The former feeds an almost forgotten need but the latter may give a different kind of adrenaline rush.
5. Sense of entitlement
Success is not a guarantee against insecurity. But successful people tend to manifest their insecurities through an elevated sense of self – that is, they feel deprived if they are denied certain privileges. One such privilege is to indulge in an extramarital affair.
Success, particularly in men, is sexy; it is desirable. Men who are at the top of the corporate ladder exude raw power and magnetism.
That alone draws a bevy of willing females into their lair. But the mindset of a successful man is really the determining factor on whether an affair will happen or not.
And men, because of that feeling that it is only their due – that, after all the hard work, they deserve the reward – would want to partake of what is being generously offered.
A person’s insecurity is really one of his greatest weaknesses. But then again, you should know that relationship requires constant work to make it work.
A relationship only fails because insecurity – instead of confidence and trust and respect – is cultivated in the present relationship.
A relationship, therefore, can – and will – survive the temptations of cheating if insecurity could not find a fertile ground where it can be sown.
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