Can You Trust Your Gut Feeling That Your Partner Is Cheating?

by kajay on December 17, 2010


It’s far too easy for most of us to dismiss our internal radar warning system, and make excuses, over-rationalize or ignore evidence that our subconscious is screaming out for us to pay attention to.

You may have no concrete proof, but somehow you just ‘know’ that there’s something going on between your wife and that new salesman at the office.

“He denies it, but he sure seems to be making an awful lot of little shopping trips at odd hours, or his short errands end up stretching into hours.

How many times can his car give him trouble without him getting it fixed once and for all?”

“It seems like our friends or co-workers are acting funny when I visit her at the office, but I just can’t put my finger on what’s wrong.”

Should I be worried?

Actually, yes. Statistics from private investigators show that about 80% of women and about 40% of men are right when their ‘gut’ tells them that their partner is having an affair.

Those are pretty sobering statistics, and underscore the need to really ‘tune in’ to our innermost guidance system when it comes to red flags.

Most unfaithful spouses actually give off a bounty of unconscious clues about the state of their involvement with their marriage — or with someone else. They can’t help it.

Our bodies are automatic lie-detectors as well as lie-projectors.

Physiologically, a liar’s eyes give him away by inappropriate dilation response; her skin flushes or grows hot or cold; hands tremble or the mouth dries out.

There may be many more signals we don’t know about yet – but our intuition does.

Your intuition can pick up evasive words, looks, body posture and voice quality. It can spot nervousness or deception a mile away.

The big problem is, unlike our animal friends, we tend to talk ourselves out of listening to these innate warning signals.

We make excuses, rationalize, justify behavior, and take inappropriate blame or guilt upon ourselves in order to exonerate the one we love.

And we can do this subconsciously, in the blink of an eye, almost as fast as the warning comes in we manage to dilute, refute or edit it so it’s less threatening to our sensibilities.

You can look at all the obvious red flags:

• Increased emotional distance
• Evasiveness
• Secrecy
• Strange phone behavior
• Odd credit card charges
• Picking fights
• More Sex
• Less Sex
• New interest in personal appearance
• ETC

You can even see all these signs and still find ways to tell yourself everything is fine and you’re just being paranoid. In fact, on some level you are desperate searching for anything you can find to prove there’s nothing going on and it’s all you.

If you’re a naturally suspicious person, or insecure in general, there could be something to this.

Check with a trusted friend of therapist. You could have childhood issues with trust that are coloring events in your adult life.

But after you’ve spent some time evaluating your own self, it’s time to check in with your gut and truly give it a listen. It’s smarter than you think it is.

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