Romantic relationships are one of the main breeding-grounds for liars merely because when there’s commitment involved, inevitably, certain expectations are being set.
And if these expectations are not met, lies begin to do the compensating. It starts with white lies. Lies that people think are safe and harmless because it makes people feel good and reassured.
Say your wife asks you if she looks fat during her third trimester of pregnancy. Even if she looks like a whale, a white lie would indicate otherwise- where you’d probably say “You look like you just gained a few baby fats, Sweetheart, nothing to worry about!”
People generally consider white lies to be harmless because they are polite and sensitive to the feelings of one person. These are minor lies and may not necessarily show any physical or verbal traces.
On the other hand, well-evolved lies are much more complex.
Serious lies, such as making up stories to cover up Boys’ Night Out last night, or denying a crucial accusation which you know can cause critical and life-changing consequences when caught, are definitely detectable.
Think of your average poker game. If the stakes get higher, the players know that this is the time to be guile, cunning and deceitful.
From scratching your ass to the frequency of swallowing your saliva, your playmates can decipher your every move.
It’s more like a liar’s game. If you can bluff your way into a full house then it’s about time to cash in the chips and call it a night.
Thus, to let you know which cards are being played, here are some lie-detecting guides:
1. Too much eye movement
They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, which is why it’s not surprising to see poker players wearing sunglasses.
A liar’s eyes will move a lot and shift quite frequently to avoid your gaze because the liar is afraid that you’d pick up on something from his or her eye expression.
Think of it as a defense mechanism known as ‘avoidance’. Eye contacts can create a connection and liar will try very desperately to ensure that doesn’t happen.
2. Staring too long
An unfocused pair of eyes is an elementary clue that a person is lying, but do not be fooled if your partner is also using prolonged staring as a lying weapon.
Since it is common knowledge that less eye contact can give a liar away, generations and generations of liars in this world have figured out a way to counter this by doing the exact opposite.
If your partner is staring at you for too long than usual while telling you about his out-of-town meeting on the weekends, then it can also be an indicator of lying.
Veteran liars do this quite well. They’ve lied so much in their lives that they have found a way to control their eye movements.
3. Pupil Dilation
Pupils are also indicators. No! These are not pupils as in grade school students we’re talking about. We’re referring to the pupil as in that dark, round point at the very center of your eyeballs that constricts with light and dilates when it’s dark.
Anyway, pupils usually dilate when a person is profusely lying. This is because adrenalin is being pumped harder in the body due to a sympathetic nervous system response.
And by the way, remember the words “Fight or Flight” in Human Biology?
It’s the sympathetic nervous system that’s responsible for producing chemicals in our body to help equip us with strength when we are faced with a stressful situation, such as a confrontation.
Whether we “fight” as in tell the truth, or “flight” as in make up a lie, our bodies show certain involuntary activities that are very hard to control. This is why your words may be saying “No” but your body is blatantly saying “Yes.”
A good way to determine if your hubby is lying to you is to see how much blinking there is involved. Liars blink less frequently because they are trying to control their facial expressions.
They want to blink less in order to stare more closely into your eyes, to give you the impression that they want you to believe in.
That’s the thing about lying. You’re not only trying to give out a lie but you’re also trying to make sure that the person you’re lying to is buying it.
5. Looking Down
Liars look down when telling a tale. This is because they are not scanning the part of their brain that recalls information. You see, people who tell the truth usually look up when narrating a story.
This is a normal sensory coordination when a person is truthfully recalling certain details or events, as if one is searching for the memory ‘up there’ in his or her head.
A liar looks down because he or she is not trying to recall, instead, he or she is composing and making up a believable story to sell.
6. Poker face
Do you ever wonder how the poker face looks expressionless? Other than the eyes, the poker face controls the lower facial muscles.
Obsessive smiling, fake grinning, lip twitching, teeth-cringing and jaw-dropping movements are sure-fire clues of amateur liars. Veteran liars know this too well so they, instead, result to controlling their mouths while lying to you, hence the poker face.
7. Use of objects
Liars will fight tooth and nail to protect their secrets so they will unconsciously use objects to distract their interviewers during an interrogation.
Case in point, they will tap a pen on the table, play with their rings, pretend to look for things in their purses or simply type on their Blackberries while being questioned.
This creates a communication barrier between the interviewer and the “suspect”, thus letting them off the hook.
8. Shifting their weights
FBI investigators watch out for the behavior of criminals through their surveillance cameras. They know that the spoken words of a suspect are not always the basis for credibility and can practically have no value for them.
In a close investigation, authorities rely closely on the body movements displayed in the interrogation room. They review the tapes and watch for any hints.
A shift in weight before a suspect responds to a question buys him more seconds to think about what he or she is going to say.
So if your partner suddenly changes his sitting position, crosses his leg, scratches his buttocks, or stands up and sits right back on the chair, chances are, he or she is unconsciously taking more time to think of a way out.
Whilst most of the lying involves the non verbal responses there are also verbal cues that can help you pick up on a lie. For after all, “less talk, less mistakes,” that’s what good liars know for sure.
So in the attempt to limit the talking a professional liar will not only skip on the miniscule story details but they will also use your own wordings or sentences to deny any allegations.
For example, “Did you go to the strip joint the night that we argued?” The liar typically replies, “I did not go to the strip joint the night that we argued.”
10. Too polite
People who are too polite can also be up to no good. Just because they say what you want to hear it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are telling the truth. Many law enforcers know this.
That’s why there are car chases. When they see a suspicious-looking driver on the road, police officers can tell if he or she is trying to mask the real hidden intentions by an uncharacteristic use of overly polite words.
“Good day, Officer. How may I be of assistance to you?”, “I shall be more than happy to put my shirt on and walk a straight line for you!”, “No, I’m afraid you are mistaken, Ole Dear Kind Sire, that bag of weed is for my son’s science project!”
Think of it this way, if your partner normally speaks like Tupac on normal days and one day he suddenly comes home talking like a Pope wouldn’t you find that disturbingly strange?
Knowing the signs of a lying partner can aid you in being one step ahead. Nonetheless, knowing if your partner is lying is just one step, it doesn’t end here yet.
The next part that you need to worry about is how to prove it, because just like what Tom Cruise’s character said in the movie, ‘A Few Good Men’, “It doesn’t matter what I believe in, it’s what I can prove!”
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